


Moving On (is never easy)

by Laney1728



Category: Star Trek: Picard, Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: #Raven, Canon Lesbian Relationship, F/F, F/M, Future Fic, Light Angst, Love is complicated
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 02:08:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23797441
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laney1728/pseuds/Laney1728
Summary: Seven and Raffi have been seeing each other for over a year, but something from Seven's past is keeping her from fully investing herself into their relationship. Raffi tells Seven to face her pain and resolve it, or else she'll lose her forever.
Relationships: Chakotay/Kathryn Janeway, Chakotay/Seven of Nine, Kathryn Janeway/Seven of Nine, Raffi Musiker/Seven of Nine
Comments: 33
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [janewayseyebrow](https://archiveofourown.org/users/janewayseyebrow/gifts).



> I really thought I wasn't going to write this story, but I sat at my computer and had a full chapter in about thirty minutes. I'm not super familiar with Raffi's character (as there's only one season of Picard to go off of) so I apologize if some people find her slightly OOC. Hopefully you enjoy!
> 
> (This takes place many months after the first season of Picard.)

"Sev?" Raffi called into the apartment. 

"I'll be right out!" Seven answered. 

Raffi walked into the kitchen area and set down her bag. Her eyes drifted out the large windows behind the small wooden table, Seven's place had a gorgeous view of the small lake, one of Montana's many hidden treasures. 

She pulled out groceries that she'd picked up in preparation to make one of Seven's favorite meals, chicken marsala. She even had ingredients for homemade soup and a fresh loaf of bread. She was going the extra mile because she was gonna need Seven to be in a good mood when she brought up her least favorite topic of conversation. She pulled out a cutting board and a knife and got to work on some of the vegetables. 

"What's all this?" Seven asked, walking over to Raffi. 

She wrapped her hands around Raffi's waist from behind and kissed her on the cheek. 

"I just thought I'd try to make something instead of replicating tonight," she said.

Seven looked down at the counter at all the food and spices laid out. 

"Soup, chicken, freshly baked bread? You went all out."

Raffi reached in the bag for one more item to show her. 

"And I didn't forget the strawberries for dessert." 

"I had some other ideas about dessert," Seven said suggestively. 

Raffi laughed but pushed her away gently. 

"I'm sure you did, but let's eat first," she went back to prepping the food.

Seven huffed and shook her head with a wry chuckle. 

"I see what this is. You're trying to soften me up."

Raffi continued to work on the food, not showing a reaction to Seven's accusation. 

"Don't be ridiculous I'm not trying to--"

Seven cut her off. 

"Yes, you are. You're doing something nice, without an obvious reason. Whenever you do that, there's always a not-so-obvious reason lurking behind it. Out with it."

Raffi sighed in amused frustration. She put down the knife she was using and turned to face her partner. 

"I want you to meet my son."

"Raf, I already told you... what we have is great, but I don't want to mess it up by trying to make it something that it just isn't. Meeting families, moving in, trying to make this a serious thing, it's just not my style. I've tried that, and it didn't work."

"Seven, you were the one who helped me through my problems. He wanted nothing to do with me, and I was ready to keep my distance, but you kept me on the right path and encouraged me to reach out to Gabriel. I have a relationship with him now, a real one, and I get to see my granddaughter and be part of both their lives. He wants to meet you. I'm not trying to pressure you or to force a relationship on you, but we've been seeing each other for almost a year. At some point, we need to decide where this is going."

Seven refused to look her in the eye before uttering her next sentence. 

"Well, if that's how you feel, then perhaps you should go," her tone became cold and devoid of emotion. 

Raffi got closer to her, silently demanding her eye contact, which she gave.

"No, you don't get to do that. You don't get to shut me out, not after everything we've been through. You don't want this relationship to become serious? Fine, but at least give me the goddamn reason why!"

"I told you! I've tried serious relationships, they never work out."

"I'm gonna need more information than that," Raffi said. 

Seven sat down at the table and waited for Raffi to sit across from her. 

"When Voyager arrived on earth, all those years ago, I didn't leave the ship alone. I'd started seeing someone before we had gotten back. I had hoped that he and I would someday marry. At first, it seemed as though that's where it was headed, but then it all became clear. On the night of Voyager's grand return celebration, the whole time, he couldn't keep his eyes off of another woman."

Seven scoffed. 

"Truth be told, neither could I. The woman he was staring at was my best friend, my mentor, someone I shared everything with. I called him out for staring, and I told him he needed to make a choice between her or me...Well, they've been married and living somewhere in Indiana ever since. Two kids, a dog, a white picket fence, the whole package." 

"I'm sorry, I didn't know," Raffi said. 

"I don't make it a habit of talking about my past failed relationships," she paused and took a deep breath. 

"It wasn't so hard losing him. After that night, I was struck with a realization. The reason he and I had gotten together in the first place was because we were both in love with the same woman we could never have. Then suddenly he had her...and I was alone. I never forgave either of them. I swore I'd never fall into another relationship like that again. Jay was the next person to get close to me, and you and I both know how that turned out. I'm done trying."

Raffi slid her hand across the table to cover Sevens. 

"Bjayzl is dead. And what happened with your friends was over twenty years ago. At some point, you have to move on. I'm here. I'm not someone who's using you, I'm not going to betray you, and I don't have any plans to leave you for someone else. You helped me with my problems and helped me make peace with my past. I'd like to help you do the same. Go visit these people. Indiana is just a quick transport away."

Seven's eyes grew wide. 

"Absolutely not," she shook her head in protest. 

Raffi stood up slowly. 

"Well, then, I should probably go."

She grabbed her empty bag and made her way towards the door. 

"Where are you going?" Seven asked.

"Back to my apartment. If you go see them, and make your peace, I'll agree to see you again. Otherwise... we're done."

Seven followed her unsure of what to say or do to get her to stay. 

"What about dinner?" Seven said smugly. 

Raffi opened the front door and paused. She turned around and pointed towards the kitchen. 

"The recipe is on the counter. Figure it out!"

The front door closed, and Seven walked back to the table. With a defeated sigh, she plopped back down in her seat and called out: 

"Computer, what's the weather like in Indiana?"


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter and commented! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. Just as a warning this story leans more J/7. Enjoy!

She lied. She had told Raffi that she only knew her ex lived _somewhere_ in Indiana. But the exact location of Chakotay and Kathryn Janeway had been sitting in a box under her bed. Invitations to birthdays, Christmas parties, Prixin celebrations, and more. They wanted her to be there, to be a part of their lives, but she never responded to their attempts to reach out. The invitations piled up over the years, and for some reason, she could never throw them away. Eventually, they stopped coming.

She picked one out of the box and turned it over.

 _232 Kirkwood Drive, Bloomington, IN 47567_

She put on a soft blue t-shirt and her brown leather jacket with a pair of jeans and headed out the door to the transporter station. She nearly turned around three times, but each time she convinced herself that Raffi was right, she needed to put certain things to rest. 

When she got to Bloomington, it was only a short walk to the Janeway residence. It was a small farm with a few acres of land. There were horses and chickens in the back and a golden retriever that sat on the large front porch, guarding his territory with a floppy tongue and a tilted head. She walked the stone pathway from the fence to the front door. Their house was beautiful and quaint. It was white with dark brown shutters and a dark red door that reminded her of Kathryn's uniform.

She looked down at the dog. 

"You don't think I'm making a mistake, do you?" she asked with an arched brow. 

The dog whined and got up from his spot to run around the back of the house. 

She sighed and knocked on the door.

She was greeted by a young teenage girl. 

"Can I help you?" the girl asked. 

She had her father's brown eyes, but that gentle smile was most definitely Kathryn's. Her long brown hair was tied back in a ponytail, and a dusting of freckles ran across her nose and under her eyes. 

Seven snapped back to the present and began to introduce herself. 

"Hi my name is--"

"Seven?" she heard a familiar voice call out from behind the girl. 

Chakotay walked forward. 

"It's alright, Amelia, she's….an old friend."

Amelia noticed the strange look passing between her father and this stranger and decided it was best for her to go to her room, or rather the top of the stairs to listen to her father talk to the woman. 

Chakotay was the first to break the silence. 

"Please, come in," he opened the door and led her towards the living room. 

She took notice of the pictures on the walls. Images of Amelia playing tennis, of their son's school graduation, and of Kathryn and Chakotay kissing underneath a sign that read "Happy Twentieth Anniversary Mom and Dad." 

"Can I get you something? Water? Coffee?"

"I'm fine, thank you," she said, continuing to look around at the photos. 

"Where's Kathryn?" she asked. 

"She's out visiting our son in Arizona. She should be back soon," he replied. 

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw the picture of Voyager's crew in celebration. She missed them all so much, and yet she'd kept herself away from everyone for so long. 

"Not to be impolite, but what brings here?" he asked.

She looked back at him, his hair was longer, completely grey, and his physique was softer than she remembered. Then she took notice of his stance and nervous expression hidden behind deep brown eyes. He lightly tugged on his ear, and her lips formed a slight smile at the realization that some things never change. 

"I came to talk," she said casually. 

His eyes softened but held a curiosity.

"It's been over twenty years. We've invited you to every birthday party and celebration for over a decade," he said. 

She nodded. 

"I know. I don't think it's a secret that I've been avoiding you all these years."

She walked over to the couch and sat down, and he took a seat next to her, making sure to keep a comfortable distance. 

She took a deep breath and continued. 

"So why now?" he asked. 

She hesitated, remembering the words that ran through her head all morning. She knew what she had to say, but these things were never easy. The Seven that Chakotay remembers wouldn't hold back or analyze her words before speaking. That Seven was brave without even realizing. Finally, her eyes caught his, and she took a note from her former self and began to explain.

  
"Because it's time for me to move on. I've been carrying around a lot of hurt for a long time. Not all of it has to do with you...or Kathryn, but there's still time for me to reconcile with this piece of my past."

Her eyes closed for a moment, unsure if she wanted to see his reaction to what she had to say, but then their eyes locked and all that stared back at her was warmth and care. She missed that feeling of safety that accompanied being in his presence. 

"Seven, you have no idea how sorry I am for hurting you back then. I should have never started that relationship with you when my feelings for Kathryn were still so strong."

She chuckled softly.

"That's just it. I'm not mad that our relationship ended. At first I was, but that feeling passed. You taught me so much in the short time we were together, you helped me grow, and taught me how to be a partner. I'm truly grateful for that experience."

She noticed him begin to physically relax. His body sank into the couch a bit more, and his shoulders sagged as if a weight had been released. After a moment, he looked at her, and she could see an eager curiosity lurking in his expression.

"If me leaving wasn't the issue, what was?"

She smiled and reached out her hand to rest it on his shoulder.

"You and I were both seeking the same thing. Someone to love in place of the person we truly wanted. Turns out, we both wanted the same person."

He paused as the realization hit him. 

"You were in love with Kathryn too," he whispered in amazement as the twenty-year confusion finally became clear. 

"She brought me back. She saw something in me that no one else had. I hadn't realized how deep my feelings ran for her until shortly after you and I broke up. I was angry at you for a long time, but not because we didn't work out. It was because you and her did."

"I don't know what to say," he muttered. 

"It's okay. I never could have given her--" she gestured to the house and the beautiful family pictures. 

"--All of this. Your daughter is beautiful, and from what I've seen of him, your son is just as handsome as his father."

"Thank you, that means a lot."

He smiled and asked, "Does this visit mean we'll be seeing more of you?"

"I'm not sure. My life isn't quite as....settled as yours seems to be. But maybe I'll be around next Prixin...that is, if I'm invited." she smirked.

He chuckled and nodded. 

"Of course you are." 

The two continued talking for another hour, catching up on two decades lost. They were so deep in conversation that neither one noticed that the door opened and closed. 

"Hi, Mom!" Amelia said, racing down the steps and embracing her mother. 

"Hello, Darling," she replied, pausing as she heard a voice other than Chakotay's in the next room. 

She looked down at her daughter and asked: "Who's here?"

Amelia shrugged. 

"Dad's ex-girlfriend. I listened in on their conversation for a few minutes, but it got kinda boring. She's from Voyager, I recognized her from the picture of the crew in the living room."

Kathryn suppressed a gasp when she realized who it was. 

"Why don't you go out to check on the horses for a bit? You look like you need a break from studying anyway."

Amelia's eyes widened. 

"But finals are coming up soon! I can't just stop studying!" she exclaimed. 

Kathryn sighed. 

"I didn't say you had to stop, I just think you need some fresh air and to give your mind a rest." 

Amelia rolled her eyes and audibly huffed before marching outside and walking towards the barn. 

Kathryn could feel her heart rate pick up. She smoothed out the wrinkles in her shirt and ran her fingers through her hair before approaching the living room. 

Seven was mid-sentence when she froze. 

"Seven?" Kathryn said shakily. 

Chakotay glanced between the two women and decided it was best to go check on the horses with Amelia. 

Once he was gone, Seven spoke up. 

"It's good to see you, Captain."

She smirked. 

"It's just Kathryn now."

Seven's eyes ran over her former Captain. Kathryn's hair was well past her shoulders, and it was a blondish-grey rather than the beautiful auburn color she remembered. She, like Chakotay, had put on a few pounds in the past two decades but was still as gorgeous as ever. Her curves were more defined, and she still held herself with the same graceful elegance Seven remembered so fondly. Her heart skipped a beat when those eyes, mischievous, blue, and so full of wonder, locked onto hers. 

"What are you doing here?" she asked in amazement, walking over to sit in the same spot Chakotay had occupied moments before. 

"I came to...talk," Seven noticed herself tripping over her words a little more than she had when talking to Chakotay. She felt her palms begin to sweat, and her heart was beating rapidly. 

There was a slightly awkward silence, which Kathryn eventually broke. 

"You look well," Kathryn said with a sad smile. 

"As do you," Seven replied. 

Kathryn contemplated her words before she spoke again, unsure of how to talk to her old friend. 

"I've missed you terribly," she confessed. 

Seven caught the moment of hesitation in Kathryn's expression before placing a hand on her arm. Almost as if it proved the reality of Seven's existence, Kathryn released a small gasp and pulled her into a hug. 

The two pulled away, and Kathryn cupped her cheek, taking a moment to look over Seven's features and notice the changes. 

"I'm sorry for staying away as long as I did," Seven said.

Kathryn let her hand fall. 

"Why did you? I sent you letters, invitations, messages for nearly fifteen years with no reply. Eventually, I gave up all hopes of ever seeing you again."

Seven noticed a few tears in Kathryn's eyes and suddenly understood how deeply her actions had hurt her.

That dreadful feeling of guilt settled in the pit of her stomach, and suddenly she found herself craving that emotionless state of her past. 

"I know."

"I never meant to push you away," Kathryn said, her voice growing raspy. 

Seven felt a tightening in her throat as her own tears began to build up.

"It wasn't your fault."

"Then, what was it? Why have you kept your distance for so long?" 

Streaks of tears ran down Kathryn's cheeks, and she quickly broke eye contact to wipe them away. 

Seven thought carefully about how to put these emotions into words, feelings that she had gotten used to keeping buried and pushing aside.

"If I had married Chakotay, and built a wonderful life with him, would you want to spend time around us? Would you want to sit and watch the love of your life be happy with someone else?"

"No. I wouldn't," Kathryn replied.

There was a pause as Seven wiped away a stray tear. 

"I had no idea that you had such strong feelings for Chakotay," Kathryn said. 

Seven chuckled with a sniffle and shook her head. 

"I didn't," she said.

Kathryn looked at her with confusion. 

"I was in love with you, Kathryn," Seven clarified. 

Her eyes widened.

"Oh," she said softly. 

"You honestly had no idea?" Seven asked. 

Kathryn felt a few tears glide down her cheeks. 

"There was a part of me that knew, or even hoped that you felt that way," she admitted. 

This time it was Seven's turn to be surprised. 

"Hoped? You mean you--" Seven couldn't even finish her sentence. 

Kathryn nodded. 

"I had feelings for you too, but I knew in my heart that it was always Chakotay. I need you to know that I don't regret choosing him, but I do regret not having you in my life," she said. 

Seven released a breath and felt a weight lift off her shoulders. 

"I'm glad you chose him. I see how happy he's made you," she said. 

Kathryn reached out her hand to cover hers. 

Seven looked into those icy blue depths and tried to maintain composure. 

"I... want to thank you for giving me my life back. I don't think I can ever thank you enough for everything you did for me," she said. 

Kathryn nodded with a gentle smile, one that fell as Seven began to stand up. 

"Are you leaving? I was just about to make dinner."

Seven quirked her brow with a knowing look.

"Alright, so Chakotay was about to make dinner while I sip wine and put together the salad."

The two shared a laugh. 

"That sounds great, but there's somewhere I have to go, someone, I need to talk to."

Kathryn stood and nodded as Seven turned to leave again, but something stopped her. 

Seven turned around one last time. 

Her eyes locked onto Kathryn's once more, and she realized that she could not leave without one last thing. 

"Seven?" Kathryn asked, unsure why she had frozen to her spot. 

Done with words, Seven quickly marched up to Kathryn and held her face gently in her hands before drawing her closer. Their lips met in a split second before Kathryn even realized what was happening. 

Kathryn was tense at first, but eventually, she melted into the kiss, enjoying the soft lips pressed against hers, and craving more. Seven's hand tangled in her hair, trying to picture it as the auburn color she loved. 

Seven pulled away first, resting her forehead against Kathryn's. Both were breathless, their chests heaving. 

"What was that?" Kathryn asked. 

"That was goodbye." Seven said. 

Kathryn nearly flinched as Seven pulled away from her completely. 

She walked away and opened the front door, Kathryn followed. 

"Seven?" 

She turned around.

"Promise me that I'll see you again soon," Kathryn's voice quivered. 

"I promise," she said. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short epilogue will be coming soon :)


	3. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rating on this chapter goes to M

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long wait, but quarantine has been sucking the life out of me. Thank you for your patience <3

Kathryn stood at the front door, watching Seven walk around the corner. Minutes passed, and even though Seven was out of eyeshot, Kathryn still remained, like her feet were cemented to the spot. Her hand drifted towards her mouth, the tips of her fingers tracing over her lips, which still tingled from the passionate kiss. 

Finally, she heard movement coming from behind her. Turning around, she saw Chakotay walking in with Amelia. He had an unreadable look on his face, one that even after seven years of friendship and twenty years of marriage, she had not seen before. 

Amelia ran immediately upstairs to return to her studies, grumbling, and mumbling about wanting to be left alone to focus. The sound of her bedroom door locking told Kathryn it would be hours before she would see her daughter again. Kathryn closed and locked the front door and walked towards Chakotay, but he walked past her, not even looking her in the eye. 

She chose not to read too much into it, and instead went into the kitchen to chop vegetables for the salad. A few minutes later, Chakotay came in and walked directly to the stove to start cooking. She poured a glass of red wine and took a long sip before softly touching his arm to demand eye contact. 

“You know, if you don’t say what’s wrong, I can’t exactly fix the problem,” she smirked, before taking another sip.

“Who said there was a problem?” he said, turning back towards the stove.

“You’re giving me the silent treatment. This is how Amelia expresses anger, not a grown man in his sixties,” she said. 

He huffed and turned back around to face her, a hint of pain was struggling to remain hidden in his eyes. 

Realizing this was perhaps more serious, she put her glass down on the counter and cupped his face. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked. 

“When was the last time you kissed me like that?” he asked. 

She felt a pit form in her stomach. Her hands fell away from his face, unsure how to react, and even more unsure of how he was about to react. 

“You saw,” she stated. 

“I did.”

“Look, Chakotay, that was nothing. It was two women ending a chapter that never really had a beginning.”  
There was a long silence as Chakotay processed her words. 

“Do you ever regret marrying me? Do you… do you ever think your life could have been better had you been with her instead?”

Her eyes softened, and her hand found his, their fingers twining. 

“I’ll tell you exactly what I told her. I loved Seven, but in my heart, I never doubted that I loved you more. When I’m around you, I feel complete. I can’t even explain it, but you are the other half of my soul. I chose you to spend the rest of my life with, and I have never looked back, not for one second. It was always you, and it will always be you,” she said. 

He smiled and kissed the top of her head before bringing her in for a hug. 

“I love you,” he whispered. 

A spark of desire coursed through her veins as she looked in his eyes with a devilish grin.

“Show me,” she dared. 

He laughed before surprising her by picking her up and placing her on the counter. 

“You’re gonna regret doing that when you wake up tomorrow!” she giggled. 

“Worth it,” he said, his lips hovering over hers. 

He grazed her lips with his own before pulling her bottom lip between his teeth. 

“What about dinner?” she asked breathlessly. 

“It’s simmering, we have a while,” he replied. 

His hand rubbed up and down along her thigh.

“What about Amelia?” she asked. 

“She’s studying. I’d be surprised if she came out of her room in time for dinner tomorrow night.” 

He leaned in to capture her lips in a kiss, but she dodged him playfully. 

“She might hear us,” she teased. 

“Well, then I guess you’ll just have to be quiet.”

He wrapped a hand around the back of her head and pulled her into a searing kiss that would have left her weak in the knees had she not already been sitting down. 

He trailed his lips down her neck, eliciting a moan, but before she became too loud, he placed his hand roughly over her mouth while his other hand slipped into her pants and began teasing her through her underwear. She bit down on his finger lightly just as he brushed over her clit. 

Biting down harder, he pulled his hand back from the pain. 

“Fuck me,” she begged. 

He pulled down her pants and unbuckled his own, ready to fulfill her request. 

* * *

Seven walked down the hall, taking a deep breath before knocking on Raffi’s apartment door. On the third knock, the door swung open. Raffi looked a bit shocked. She walked out into the hall and closed the door behind her. 

“Seven I--” Raffi paused, noticing the streaks of dried tears on Seven’s face. 

“I went to Indiana.” Seven said with a sad smile. 

“Oh, Sev,” Raffi whispered before pulling her in for a hug. 

Seven took comfort in the safety and security she felt being in Raffi’s arms. 

“You were right. I needed to do that. I needed to put the past behind me.” she said, her voice slightly muffled by the hug. 

They pulled apart, and Raffi’s hand cupped Seven’s cheek. 

“I’m so proud of you,” she smiled. 

“Aren’t you going to invite me in?” Seven asked, stepping towards the door, but Raffi nervously blocked her. 

“Well, actually I--” Raffi was about to explain when the door to her apartment opened again, revealing a young man. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Gabriel said shyly. 

“That’s okay,” Raffi said before turning back towards Seven. 

“I shouldn’t have shown up unannounced. I’ll leave you two to enjoy your evening,” Seven said. 

Before Seven could walk away, Raffi touched her arm.

“Gabriel and I were just about to have dinner. You can come over tomorrow, unless...you’d like to join us now?” 

“I’d like that,” Seven said with a smile. 

The two women shared a loving glance before Gabriel interrupted. 

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, my mother’s told me so much about you,” he said. 

“All good things, I hope?” Seven said with a hint of playful sarcasm. 

Gabriel and Seven shook hands before the three of them walked inside to start what would be a wonderful evening. 


End file.
